Legends Are Not Born. They Are Occasionally Appointed.

The Countess

Countess Frittata von Rantanchancourvathi

Aristocratic champion, celebrated figure of Regatta history, and veteran of numerous maritime and matrimonial controversies.

The Pickle Jester

Bartholomew

A controversial and instantly recognizable figure whose ceremonial responsibilities remain under review.

The Duchess

Full name to be confirmed

An influential figure in the Regatta's social and ceremonial affairs.

The Commodore

Full name to be confirmed

Guardian of the rules, racing authority, and custodian of the institution's sporting integrity.

Citizen of San Jose

Salvanthorestigata

A notable San Jose personality associated with extraordinary events in the town's history.

The Astronaut

Identity withheld

An enigmatic figure whose involvement in the Regatta remains insufficiently explained.

The Spaghetti Discoverer

Salma Geoncalourine

A celebrated San Jose resident and one of the most extraordinary figures in the history of the Regatta. Age 74, she achieved international notoriety following her astonishing discovery of 17,000 pounds of spaghetti, an event that raised profound questions about the town's culinary infrastructure, scientific oversight, and the laws of physics. Her connection to the Regatta remains a subject of considerable interest, particularly among those investigating the mysterious events surrounding the competition. A woman of formidable determination and unconventional methods, she remains an influential presence in San Jose society.

“Some discoveries change history. Others require an industrial quantity of parmesan.”